Availability?

I love my independence. I love deciding when I want to do something and why. I love being an adult because I can spoil my dinner by eating ice cream. All of these things have to do with my preferences. It’s all about me. When I think about being available for something it is not usually with an open calendar or openness to what I will be asked to do. I have parameters. I am available between 7-9 pm on Tuesday nights, except the second Tuesday of each month. I am available on Thursday afternoon from 3-4:30 pm. I play this game with God. I say, “God, I am available from this time to this time - what do you want me to do?” Or, “God, I am available to serve you in this specific way, let me know when.” In my Christian life I am learning that putting parameters on availability may actually be the exact opposite of what availability is. The availability that God asks for is completely open and completely willing. When I tell God I am available and then put parameters on it, then I am telling God how I want my life to go and am not open to what He might ask of me. I am telling Him what I am willing to do rather than listening for Him to show me what He would like me to do. Can we be available to God with our own parameters? I’m inclined to think not.